Gratitude

My world crashed Jan. 15. Since, I've had an ache in my heart that gets a little better day by day.

To help me work this out, I added a new signature to my work email about gratitude - When you cultivate gratitude, you become a happier, more fulfilled person. The more you're grateful for, the more blessings will come to you. -- Susan Santucci

At first I felt like a hypocrite with that signature and my lack of gratitude. This quote has given me a jumping off place for working out my sorrow. Another quote keeps popping into my head - Thessalonians 5:16-18: "Rejoice ever more. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." 

In everything give thanks? How can I give thanks when God took away one of the most awesome people in the world? I realized I'm mourning 2 things, the loss of one of the most important people in my life and the things I wanted to do with him. How can I turn this around? I cry several times a day because I miss him so much. I mourn because I'll never see him again this side of heaven. How can I heal this ache?

Paul told the Thessalonians that it is the will of God in Jesus Christ that we give thanks for everything. How can I give thanks? Well, for one thing, I'm thankful for having known my grandson. He is one of the most awesome people I've ever known. I truly am grateful for the times we spent together. I thoroughly enjoyed babysitting, visiting, playing, watching movies (He let me watch Ratatouille whenever I wanted.), and having sleepovers with him. 

I'm grateful for all my memories. For how much he loved me and the joy he showed when I visited them and when I picked him up from daycare. We had fun times together at McDonald's and Chuck E Cheese's. We drove around looking at Christmas lights in 2011, played in the playground at St. George and their neighborhood, shopped at HEB, visited the library, decorated their Christmas tree, put together a gingerbread house, and he enjoyed taking baths in the kitchen sink. I spent every birthday with him, and I told him I loved him the last time  I saw him.

I've decided that every time I feel sad about how much I miss him, I'll think about something we did that made me happy and grateful. I hope I brought as much joy to him as he did for me.

My daughter and her husband are the best parents any child could ask for, and they raised an intelligent, loving, compassionate, fun-loving, child with a zest for life that I've never seen before. I'm so proud of them and I'm grateful to them for giving him everything a child could ask for, yet, he wasn't spoiled. He was a special joy in my life. 

Like the song he always sang, "my universe will never be the same." I'm glad he came.